I Got Hit in the Head By a Drone Just Before the Rubber Car Struck Me

Driverless cars disturb me. Sure, I love my car. His name is Wally and he faithfully waits for me wherever I go. But, it doesn’t mean I want to entrust him to get me home safely without my help.

After all, in Back to the Future, Doc Brown piloted his time-travelling DeLorean, in Harry Potter, Weasley’s flying Ford had someone at the steering wheel, and the speeder bikes of Star Wars still required drivers . Even the Jetson’s flying cars had animated characters at the helm. Why then, is actual technology striving to make the human component of driving redundant?

jetsons

See? No driverless cars in the Jetson’s version of the future. 

I like driving. Lots of people like driving. Why, then, are companies seeking to take away our fun? I would much rather see them developing flying cars. Now that would be fun. And it would take hours off a weekly commute.

If safety is an issue, I think we should steal an idea from TV’s Ray Barone and look into the manufacturing of cars made of Nerf. Even if they are sluggish when wet.

NERF-NITRO-DUELFURY-DEMOLITION-HP

Now this is where technology should be headed. Cars made of high density foam. 

In 2016, a self-driving Tesla struck a transport truck, apparently failing to detect the broad expanse of white against a sunny sky. This is not good. A lot of things are white. Buildings. Other vehicles. The Staypuft marshmallow man. A large gathering of brides. A Trump supporters’ rally. These are almost all things for which a vehicle should stop.

Let’s look at drones as an example. They are, after all, miniature driverless vehicles. If humans can’t master the art of making drones foolproof, surely we should abandon the idea of placing their large and deadly counterparts on our highways.

1. Hollywood paints pizza delivery drivers as pimply faced, heavy metal playing, menaces-to-mailboxes-and-lawn-ornaments. Surely, even the worst of these is better than a drone. Particularly, since they have been known to fall from the sky, which would seriously shift your pizza toppings.

In fact, drones have hit Seattle’s Space Needle, driven into an office building and thwacked a worker in the head, been attacked by a branch-wielding chimpanzee, and they have come close to hitting several commercial airplanes and helicopters. Quite frankly, the people in Quebec are better drivers.

And, ironically, during the first-ever Great Bull Run in Virginia, the carnage was not caused by a horned boy-cow. Instead, several spectators were wounded by a rogue drone that crashed into the audience.

Image result for bull cartoon

I hear the bull was looking specifically for this guy.

2. While pondering roadways filled with nerf, I began to reminisce about my childhood. One of my all-time favourite toys was the nerf ball. I’m not talking about today’s jazzed-up, built for wind-resistance variety. I’m referring to the simple round blob of foam that was, seemingly, designed solely for the use of lobbing it at people’s foreheads. Prior to the nerf ball’s conception I’m sure there were a lot of ball-to-head related injuries. Mainly because the name softball is exceedingly deceptive. Softballs are not soft and bouncing one off your brother’s forehead could lead to permanent brain damage. A nerf ball to the cranium, however, is the equivalent of a cotton ball to the face. No blood or hospital visits required.

Ironically, this simple toy catches a hefty price on the marketplace. Right this moment, there are several for sale for about $60 + $40 shipping. Yes, $100 for a round piece of foam.

Don’t remember the original Nerf ball? Here’s a video clip…

 

3. Interestingly, there exists some hot and heavy debate on the internet regarding the case for introducing rubber cars. The proponents joyfully exclaim that loud crashes would be replaced by “boings,” dents would simply sproing back into shape, and upon impact, passengers would merely bounce around within their rubber cabins. Bumper-to-bumper traffic would be fun–like a game of full-sized bumper cars.

The opponents adeptly point out that rubber is, indeed, a very heavy material, making cars sluggish. Rubber would also melt due to engine heat–which, now that I come to think of it, would lead to melted rubber injuries. They also remind us that, even in a rubber car, a head-on collision is likely to lead to fatalities as the passengers would be endlessly thrown about the insides of their bouncy car.

What is your take on the rubber car? Yeah or Nay? What about cars made of Nerf?

 

Image credits:

The Jetsons: http://cogdogblog.com/2017/06/those-flying-cars/

Nerf: https://www.wired.com/2017/01/nerf-nitro-foam-cars/

Angry bull: https://www.nobleworkscards.com/c2595bdg-jealous-bull-funny-birthday-greeting-card-daniel-collins.html

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