Do Worms Ever Feel Dirty?

I used to wonder if worms ever got dirt in their ears. When I later discovered that worms don’t have ears, I felt a huge sense of relief. Imagine having a giant clump of topsoil stuck in your ear and not having any hands with which to pick it out. But then I started to feel bad for the worm. Life can’t be easy without any ears, hands, or arms.

worm

I got over that and began to ponder another worm-related question. Yes, I entertained more than one worm thought. Do worms ever feel dirty? I mean, I know they literally live in the earth, but surely some earth is less comfortable than others. There must be times when they wish they could have a good shower, right?

Maybe that’s why they always seem to come out when it rains. To wash off the filth. And get eaten by birds.

This raises another question…Why is the word “earth,” the very name of our home planet, synonymous with “dirt?” Is this not strange? Do Martians line up at their garden stores for bags of “black Mars?” As an earthling, I find this disturbing.

lowly-knot

The best worm of all, in my humble opinion, is Lowly Worm. Not only does he have eyes (unlike his run-of-the-mill brethren), he also wears a boot and drives a car. His boot likely prevents him from talking to his ass — which appears to be a common problem among worms. And his fashionable outfit establishes him as the lone clothing-wearer among a species of nudists.

While I’m on the topic of long, cylindrical life forms, I’m very glad I’m not a snake. I like snakes. I have never been squeamish about snakes and have no problem picking them up and removing them from the garage floor. The thought of finding a vacated snake skin, however, freaks me out. Imagine if humans could simply shrug off a their outer layer flesh? The mall floors would be layered with hollow people-shaped clumps of epidermis. We could literally jump out of our skins. On the upside, it would eliminate the need for exfoliating.

snake-shedding-skin

And I just learned something really freaky! Did you know there is actually a worm snake? Yes, it’s officially called the “Carphophis amoenus” and they reach about 13 inches in length. I think I want one.

worm snake