I Got Hit in the Head By a Drone Just Before the Rubber Car Struck Me

Driverless cars disturb me. Sure, I love my car. His name is Wally and he faithfully waits for me wherever I go. But, it doesn’t mean I want to entrust him to get me home safely without my help.

After all, in Back to the Future, Doc Brown piloted his time-travelling DeLorean, in Harry Potter, Weasley’s flying Ford had someone at the steering wheel, and the speeder bikes of Star Wars still required drivers . Even the Jetson’s flying cars had animated characters at the helm. Why then, is actual technology striving to make the human component of driving redundant?


See? No driverless cars in the Jetson’s version of the future. 

I like driving. Lots of people like driving. Why, then, are companies seeking to take away our fun? I would much rather see them developing flying cars. Now that would be fun. And it would take hours off a weekly commute.

If safety is an issue, I think we should steal an idea from TV’s Ray Barone and look into the manufacturing of cars made of Nerf. Even if they are sluggish when wet.


Now this is where technology should be headed. Cars made of high density foam. 

In 2016, a self-driving Tesla struck a transport truck, apparently failing to detect the broad expanse of white against a sunny sky. This is not good. A lot of things are white. Buildings. Other vehicles. The Staypuft marshmallow man. A large gathering of brides. A Trump supporters’ rally. These are almost all things for which a vehicle should stop.

Let’s look at drones as an example. They are, after all, miniature driverless vehicles. If humans can’t master the art of making drones foolproof, surely we should abandon the idea of placing their large and deadly counterparts on our highways.

1. Hollywood paints pizza delivery drivers as pimply faced, heavy metal playing, menaces-to-mailboxes-and-lawn-ornaments. Surely, even the worst of these is better than a drone. Particularly, since they have been known to fall from the sky, which would seriously shift your pizza toppings.

In fact, drones have hit Seattle’s Space Needle, driven into an office building and thwacked a worker in the head, been attacked by a branch-wielding chimpanzee, and they have come close to hitting several commercial airplanes and helicopters. Quite frankly, the people in Quebec are better drivers.

And, ironically, during the first-ever Great Bull Run in Virginia, the carnage was not caused by a horned boy-cow. Instead, several spectators were wounded by a rogue drone that crashed into the audience.

Image result for bull cartoon

I hear the bull was looking specifically for this guy.

2. While pondering roadways filled with nerf, I began to reminisce about my childhood. One of my all-time favourite toys was the nerf ball. I’m not talking about today’s jazzed-up, built for wind-resistance variety. I’m referring to the simple round blob of foam that was, seemingly, designed solely for the use of lobbing it at people’s foreheads. Prior to the nerf ball’s conception I’m sure there were a lot of ball-to-head related injuries. Mainly because the name softball is exceedingly deceptive. Softballs are not soft and bouncing one off your brother’s forehead could lead to permanent brain damage. A nerf ball to the cranium, however, is the equivalent of a cotton ball to the face. No blood or hospital visits required.

Ironically, this simple toy catches a hefty price on the marketplace. Right this moment, there are several for sale for about $60 + $40 shipping. Yes, $100 for a round piece of foam.

Don’t remember the original Nerf ball? Here’s a video clip…


3. Interestingly, there exists some hot and heavy debate on the internet regarding the case for introducing rubber cars. The proponents joyfully exclaim that loud crashes would be replaced by “boings,” dents would simply sproing back into shape, and upon impact, passengers would merely bounce around within their rubber cabins. Bumper-to-bumper traffic would be fun–like a game of full-sized bumper cars.

The opponents adeptly point out that rubber is, indeed, a very heavy material, making cars sluggish. Rubber would also melt due to engine heat–which, now that I come to think of it, would lead to melted rubber injuries. They also remind us that, even in a rubber car, a head-on collision is likely to lead to fatalities as the passengers would be endlessly thrown about the insides of their bouncy car.

What is your take on the rubber car? Yeah or Nay? What about cars made of Nerf?


Image credits:

The Jetsons: http://cogdogblog.com/2017/06/those-flying-cars/

Nerf: https://www.wired.com/2017/01/nerf-nitro-foam-cars/

Angry bull: https://www.nobleworkscards.com/c2595bdg-jealous-bull-funny-birthday-greeting-card-daniel-collins.html

Adventures with Condoms, Mirrors, and Driverless Cars

“I have bad reflexes. I was once run over by a car being pushed by two guys.”  Woody Allen. 

I encountered some really strange “knowledge” over the past 24 hours and I have totally changed my theory on education.  Sometimes ignorance is bliss.  But, unfortunately, you can’t “un-learn” something–no matter how hard you try.

Here are some of the least mind-damaging pieces of information that I managed to collect:

1)  I should have known that if I googled the words “cool inventions,” I would come across some really strange stuff.  After all, one person’s “cool” is another person’s “what were they thinking?”

I discovered beer-flavoured lip gloss for well-groomed alcoholics.  Caffeine inhalers for those times when your stomach is overfilled with coffee, but you still need a caffeine-jolt (personally, I would seek medical attention if I had this problem).  And someone with too much time on their hands has created a crime scene beach towel.  I guess that’s one way to get a private spot in the sand.

The strangest invention that I came across, in my opinion, is a condom/yardstick…okay, maybe not a yardstick…but it is almost that optimistic.  According to the manufacturer’s website, they are available in inches and centimetres.  Let’s hope the prophylactic pictured is metric.  25 inches would just be scary.

2)  The next tid-bit is really disturbing, particularly if you are planning on driving in Nevada any time soon.  Cars with drivers are dangerous enough, but a car that drives itself is even worse.  And Google has officially received a “green” light to put its driver-free vehicle on the road.

Now, the vehicle hasn’t earned complete independence yet.  Two humans must be in the vehicle at all times–just in case something goes wrong.

I am curious about one thing.  If the car has been “trained” to go down Main Street, but an accident has created a detour, what does the car do?  Try to run over the detour?  Back up and drive forward repeatedly in confusion?  Or simply give up and explode?

3) For some reason, the next fact made me think of Romper Room.  “Romper, bomper, stomper boo. Tell me, tell me, tell me, do. Magic Mirror, tell me today, have all my friends had fun at play?”  I remember watching day after day, month after month, for her to see me in her magic mirror–but, alas, “Kimberley” was never called.

So, anyway, back on topic.  There are only three animals that are able to recognize themselves in the mirror.  The first is obviously the human.  The second is the ape.  What do you think the third one is?

Time’s up.  The answer I am looking for is the dolphin.

According to research conducted at New York’s Rockefeller University, dolphins have the ability to recognize themselves and companions in mirrors.  I’m sure this skill comes in really handy at the bottom of the ocean.

I often wonder who funds this type of research and why.