Category Archives: May 2012

Adventures with Condoms, Mirrors, and Driverless Cars

Posted by facelikeafryingpan in May 2012 and tagged with , , , , , , , ,

“I have bad reflexes. I was once run over by a car being pushed by two guys.”  Woody Allen. 


I encountered some really strange “knowledge” over the past 24 hours and I have totally changed my theory on education.  Sometimes ignorance is bliss.  But, unfortunately, you can’t “un-learn” something–no matter how hard you try.

Here are some of the least mind-damaging pieces of information that I managed to collect:

1)  I should have known that if I googled the words “cool inventions,” I would come across some really strange stuff.  After all, one person’s “cool” is another person’s “what were they thinking?”

I discovered beer-flavoured lip gloss for well-groomed alcoholics.  Caffeine inhalers for those times when your stomach is overfilled with coffee, but you still need a caffeine-jolt (personally, I would seek medical attention if I had this problem).  And someone with too much time on their hands has created a crime scene beach towel.  I guess that’s one way to get a private spot in the sand.

The strangest invention that I came across, in my opinion, is a condom/yardstick…okay, maybe not a yardstick…but it is almost that optimistic.  According to the manufacturer’s website, they are available in inches and centimetres.  Let’s hope the prophylactic pictured is metric.  25 inches would just be scary.

2)  The next tid-bit is really disturbing, particularly if you are planning on driving in Nevada any time soon.  Cars with drivers are dangerous enough, but a car that drives itself is even worse.  And Google has officially received a “green” light to put its driver-free vehicle on the road.

Now, the vehicle hasn’t earned complete independence yet.  Two humans must be in the vehicle at all times–just in case something goes wrong.

I am curious about one thing.  If the car has been “trained” to go down Main Street, but an accident has created a detour, what does the car do?  Try to run over the detour?  Back up and drive forward repeatedly in confusion?  Or simply give up and explode?

3) For some reason, the next fact made me think of Romper Room.  “Romper, bomper, stomper boo. Tell me, tell me, tell me, do. Magic Mirror, tell me today, have all my friends had fun at play?”  I remember watching day after day, month after month, for her to see me in her magic mirror–but, alas, “Kimberley” was never called.

So, anyway, back on topic.  There are only three animals that are able to recognize themselves in the mirror.  The first is obviously the human.  The second is the ape.  What do you think the third one is?

Time’s up.  The answer I am looking for is the dolphin.

According to research conducted at New York’s Rockefeller University, dolphins have the ability to recognize themselves and companions in mirrors.  I’m sure this skill comes in really handy at the bottom of the ocean.

I often wonder who funds this type of research and why.

Noisy Birds, Bugs Bunny, and Things That Smell

Posted by facelikeafryingpan in May 2012 and tagged with , , , , , , , , , ,

“An encyclopedia is a system for collecting dust in alphabetical order.” 
Mike Barfield.

I have always been fascinated with useless facts.  As a kid, I taught myself the U.S. states in alphabetical order.  I can still rhyme them off in record speed.  This is not exactly going to land me any jobs, but it did help me with the answer to a trivia question once.  Not everyone knows how many U.S. State names begin with the letter “M.”  Do you? I’ll give you a minute to count them and I’ll give you the answer at the end of the blog…

Meanwhile, here are today’s three riveting facts:

1) After a long, harsh Canadian winter, there is nothing more welcomed than the return of our red-bellied friend, the robin.  They’re cute–hopping around on the lawn, fluttering about in the bird bath, teaching their little ones to fly–but man, are they noisy.  There is nothing more frustrating than the repetitious tweets of the robin at 4:30 in the morning.  I’m a nature lover who avoids stepping on bugs if I can, but I have seriously contemplated braining one of these birds by propelling a shoe out my bedroom window.  Seriously–heave-ho and then “splat.”  No more noise.  Just a beak.

My husband, however, is much more pragmatic than I am.  He strives to understand what makes these “disturbers of the peace” tick…or in this case, tweet.  Here’s what he has discovered.  It’s our fault that the robin has been forced to adopt the role of avian alarm clock–a role traditionally held by another bird, I might add.  The rooster.

Humans are noisy.  Our normal waking hours are filled with a myriad of sounds.  And the poor robin can’t hear himself think, let alone talk to a friend in the distance.  Robins must sing to attract mates.  If the mates cannot hear them, the robin will die a childless, lonely spinster.  To avoid this fate, the robin has learned to chirp its aria when the rest of the world is silent–or snoring.

So, here’s hoping that the robins in my neighbourhood soon find that special someone.  And that I can finally get an undisturbed night’s sleep.

2)  June bugs freak me out.  They’re huge.  They’re crunchy.  And when they fly into you, they actually leave a dent.  Turns out the June bug is a lightweight in the insect world.

Enter the Giant Weta of New Zealand, the world’s largest insect.  And now, enter the largest Giant Weta of all, and you have entered horror movie territory.  This is the mother of all bugs.  In fact, she weighs as much as three mice.

Her name is Bugs Bunny as she is large enough to eat carrots.  Forget her size!  She has teeth that can chew carrots!  And her wingspan is seven inches.

In her defence, she never bit the hand that fed her.  She was returned to her tree and hopefully lived happily ever after.  Far, far away with oceans between us.  Phew.

3)  Nothing smells better than the aroma of freshly pumped petrol.  It’s not for everyone.  Smell is highly subjective.  After all, I am the girl who thinks that skunk smells like Tim Horton’s coffee.  But, as I was filling up my gas tank today, I began to wonder what are the most popular smells?  Certainly not my living room after a night of brown beans.

According to a survey conducted in Britain by a dish soap manufacturer, the Brits preferred scent is fish & chips.  That even sounds Coronation Street.  Two different American surveys turned up two different results.  One said Americans favoured Vanilla, while the other said they had a hankering for Banana.

And everyone’s least favourite smell seems to be the public washroom.  I concur.

What smell do you absolutely love?

And no, I haven’t forgotten to answer the question I asked about the number of American states that start with the letter “M”.  There are 8–Maine, Maryland, Massachusetts, Michigan, Minnesota, Mississippi, Missouri, and Montana.

Wooden food, Classroom IV’s, and a Whole Lotta Smiths

Posted by facelikeafryingpan in May 2012 and tagged with , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

“I’ve got the brain of a four year old. I’ll bet he was glad to be rid of it.”  Groucho Marx.

This quest to learn has become an obsession.  It’s quite scary actually.  Everything that I encounter in my everyday life is suddenly inspected closely for an “a-ha” moment.  A cereal box is perused for unusual ingredients.  The Young and the Restless is listened to with intense studiousness.  I even find myself pondering the origins of my kitchen utensils.  My husband hasn’t said it yet, but I’m pretty sure he thinks I’ve lost my mind–which would be a shame considering all the work I’ve been doing to expand it.

But here are the 3 juicy tid-bits that I have selected just for you.

1) Many of you know that I have been trying to lose weight and I have to say that a lot of “diet” food tastes like cardboard.  You know what I’m talking about–melba toast, Ryvita, and worst of all, the coaster pretending to be a rice cake.  If God had intended me to eat wood, he would have made me a beaver.  Right?

Wrong.  Apparently, I have unknowingly been eating wood for years.  And so have YOU.  No, you won’t find “wood,” “bark,” or “knotty pine” written on any food labels, but you will find the innocuous term “powdered cellulose.”  It sounds innocent enough, but what exactly is it?

Beaver food.  Ground up wood pulp and other plant fibres.  Talk about roughage.  And we’ve been eating it in our favourite foods for years–waffles, cake icing, pasta mixes, cocoa, cheese, and ice cream, just to name a few.  And it is especially prevalent in foods that have been labelled low fat or high fibre.  I thought fibre was supposed to be good for the colon, but who wants a bowel splinter?

Just goes to show you that slick marketing will get us to eat anything.  Forget pumpkin pie or butter tarts.  Soon those mint-flavoured toothpicks will be dessert.

2)  We’ve all heard of test anxiety.  You may have experienced it yourself–profuse sweating that no amount of Lady Speedstick can help, butterflies in your stomach, and the dreaded blank mind.  I realize that some of us are perpetually in a state of blank-mindedness, but we’ll save that for another post in another blog.

Or maybe you have stayed up to the wee hours of the morning, cramming as much information into your exhausted brain as you possibly can, only to find yourself in a sleep-deprived stupor the next day.

It would appear that the Chinese have come up with a solution, albeit a strange one, for these exam-related problems–classrooms retrofitted with IV drips.  Yes, no need to interrupt your studies with pesky chores like eating or sleeping.  It’s far easier to pump amino acids directly into your vein.

Is this bizarre or is just me?  I’d love to hear your comments.

3)  Thanks to my eternal quest for the perfect pen name, I ended up in a conversation today about knowing more than one person with the same name.  I have known three Jim Smiths.  And two Jennifer Jones.  It’s not all that surprising.  Jim and Jennifer are both common names.  And so are Smith and Jones.

The conversation then moved on to trying to guess what the most common last names are.  I said Smith.  It turns out I was both right and wrong.  It all depends which side of the border I am on.

According to the majority of web sites that I found, the top 5 most common surnames in the United States are:

  1. Smith
  2. Johnson
  3. Williams
  4. Jones
  5. Brown
Interestingly, Canada’s list is quite different:
  1. Li
  2. Smith
  3. Lam
  4. Martin
  5. Brown
And for all my relatives…the 6th most common last name in Canada is:  ROY.  Ha, for years people have been telling us we’re strange.  Turns out we are common. And we have the numbers to prove it.

Weird Toes, Edible Mail, and 1912

Posted by facelikeafryingpan in May 2012 and tagged with , , , , , , , , ,

Wow!  As I attempt to learn three new things each day, I find that I am learning to listen.  For those of you who know me, this is a major feat as I am the one that is usually talking.  I’ve come to the realization that I won’t learn anything through listening to my own voice, but others have a lot to offer.  Who knew?

After putting on my listening ears, I managed to acquire another three nuggets of enthralling information.  Okay, I guess this would be highly subjective–one person’s “enthralling” is another person sedative.

1)  My second toe is far longer than my big toe–a condition known as Morton’s Toe.  Several years ago, one of my past room mates informed me that this condition meant that I was predisposed to become a serial killer.  Thankfully, I have never encountered any evidence to back this up.

While perusing the Internet yesterday, I did accidentally come across some more facts about the Morton’s Toe and those “afflicted” with this digit problem–facts that I must add are much easier on my self-esteem.  Foot-related self-esteem, anyway.

So, here’s a few facts that will make you proud to wear sandals this summer.  The Morton’s Toe has been referred to as the Greek Toe and has been celebrated in both Greek and Roman sculpture.  In fact, the Statue of Liberty boasts a large pair of Morton’s Toes as well.  Furthermore, the Morton’s Toe is a dominant trait.  No wimpy toe genes for me.  Yay!  Strangely elongated second toes rock.

2) Let’s face it.  The coconut is one of nature’s perfect foods–sweet, healthy–and “oh so yummy” wrapped in chocolate.  Yesterday, thanks to National Geographic, I learned that it is ideal for another less obvious purpose–mailing.

Apparently, it is perfectly legal and acceptable to mail a coconut in the United States.  Annually, roughly 3000 people write an address on the husks, affix the proper postage, and mail their loved ones a round postcard.  I wasn’t the only one fascinated by this as Mythbusters have given this myth the “truth” stamp, after receiving their self-addressed coconut in the mail. And, according to the National Geographic, the pumpkin has also been successfully mailed.

Imagine the money that could be saved on envelopes–not to mention the trees that could be spared.  I wonder if I can talk one of my friends that are getting married this summer in to sending out coconut wedding invitations.  I really just want see my postman try to fit one into my mailbox.

3)  I have been looking up baby names a lot lately.  And NO, it is not for the reason that you think.  I am trying to come up with the perfect pen name.  It’s fun picking out your own name, but it’s not as easy as it sounds.

Keeping in mind my age, I can hardly give myself a young name like Kaitlyn or Kylie.  But I don’t want to go too old either–Thelma just won’t cut it.  So, what did I do to break the moniker-hunting monotony?  I decided to find out what the most popular baby names were exactly a century ago.

All of the websites that I could find that provided baby names statistics for 1912 agree.  The most popular names in both the U.S. and Canada were John and Mary.  This knowledge has had no impact on my pseudonym selection whatsoever, but I do find it interesting.

And to all my readers named Mary or John–you can bask in the knowledge that your names are timeless classics.

Male Trees, Rubberville, and an Odd Couple

Posted by facelikeafryingpan in May 2012 and tagged with , , , , , , , , , , ,

“The only thing that interferes with my learning is my education.”  Albert Einstein.

Learning three new things proved quite challenging for me over the past 24 hours.     Laundry and other household chores demanded my attention.  And, frankly, the background noise of my television consisted of a series of TVtropolis reruns.  I may find a new joke to laugh at no matter how many times I see the same show, but sitcoms aren’t noted for their ability to impart an education–especially when you’ve seen it ten times before.

Despite a lack of stimulating content, I did manage to find three tid-bits of valuable information in the past day.

1)  For all my fellow female allergy sufferers, I have just one piece of advice–blame the males.  No, this is not a sexist rant.  It is, in fact, scientifically accurate–at least, according to a horticultural expert, Tom Ogren.   He has been commissioned by Reactine to tour across Canada, educating us on the downside of planting solely male trees–the unnecessary torture of allergy sufferers.  Most Canadian and American cities are filled with an overwhelming majority of male trees.

So, why do North Americans eschew the female tree?  Apparently, we don’t like the mess.  We are simply too busy to find time to sweep up nuts and seed-pods.  Instead, we opt for the invisible and stealthy pollen of their male counterparts.  It would seem that washing a thick coating of yellow powder off of our vehicles is not a problem.

I learned this gem while reading the front page of today’s Ottawa Citizen.  

2) I bet you don’t know what American city held the title “Rubber Capital of the World” for years and actually birthed the American trucking industry.  Odds are you probably have never really cared either, but I bet I have now piqued your curiosity.  For much of the twentieth century, Goodrich, Goodyear, Firestone, and General Tire all had their headquarters in this city.  I know…you’re sitting on the edge of your seat in anticipation, so here is the answer.

AKRON, OHIO.

And so you don’t walk away with just one fascinating Akron fact, I’ll ply you with more.  These tire companies also created affordable housing neighbourhoods for their employees with catchy names like Firestone Park and Goodyear Heights.  And even after the departure of three out of four tire manufacturers, it is now famous for its polymer research.  It really is a town built on rubber.

How on earth did I encounter this little gem?  I was doing a crossword puzzle that gave the clue “Ohio Tire City.”

3) My husband had the TV tuned to Batman and Robin, the one with George Clooney as Batman (who I think was the best Batman ever) and I decided to “imdb” Tim Burton.  One thing led to another and the next thing I knew, I was reading an on-line article (actually there were several), about the strange living arrangements  of Mr Burton and his significant other, Helena Bonham Carter.  Apparently they live in separate halves of an apartment in a very posh building. 

According to Helena, Tim is a  problem snorer due to his deviated septum.  In his defence, she admits that she is very bossy.  Her side of the home is girlie, while his is…well…darker and more skeleton-ish.  This is, after all, Tim Burton.

My only question is: how do they divide up the children?

May 6th, 2012 The 2nd 24 Hours

Posted by facelikeafryingpan in May 2012 and tagged with , , , ,

When you are consciously making an effort to learn new things, it becomes much trickier.  Every new bit of info that you encounter suddenly requires analysing, evaluating, and a great deal of poking and prodding.  What once would have gone in one ear and out the other has now become fodder for my intellectual study.  And my brain hurts.  I really have to learn to adhere to one important rule:  If it’s knowledge that I really don’t care about, odds are I won’t retain it at all.  It only counts as learning something new, if it piques my interest.

So, these are the Top 3 new tid-bits of knowledge that I have gleaned in the past 24 hours.

1)  In Naples, Italy–a haven for Mafia-led organized crime–they have constructed their own mini Alcatraz.  Mini in that it doesn’t take up an entire island, but also “mini” due to the fact that it houses criminal youth.  The island’s name is Nisida and it is chalked with other juicy, historical facts.  Many historians believe that this may be the location where the assassination of Julius Caesar was masterminded.  Brutus’ wife, Porcia, killed herself here.  And ironically, many believe that the island once housed an early monastery.

In an attempt to rescue the youth housed at this facility from a life of crime, they are taught the fine art of pizza-making.  And, according to Rotary International, the youth are encouraged to create artistic endeavours such as mosaic building.  They even re-create nativity scenes.

Today, the island is divided between the Juvenile Detention Centre and a NATO naval headquarters.

I learned this morsel while watching a CBC News documentary on the Italian Mafia, while channel surfing.

2)  A woman in Utah got a huge surprise when she opened a new box of Tampons that she had just purchased.  Rolled up inside was a sizeable amount of a mysterious white powder.  Immediately, she feared a terrorist attack and contacted local authorities.  After conducting tests to identify the substance, they declared that she had, in fact, found a pouch of cocaine.  The British Boots tampons were pulled from the shelves.

I admit that this knowledge isn’t really of any use to me unless, of course, I encounter any strange anomalies in my next feminine hygiene purchase, but it will be a great story to tell at parties.

I came across this interesting nugget from the Huffington Post, while I was retrieving my e-mail.

3) I was watching Corner Gas–the episode where Karen engages in the sport of holding her breath for extended periods of time–and I wondered if this really is a sport.  Sure enough, “static apnoea” really does exist and it is a recognized discipline engaged in by freedivers.  The idea is to submerge all of your “respiratory-related body parts” under water and see how long you can last before you return to the surface, gasping for air.

I wonder what their lungs think of this?   As an asthmatic, I am  puzzled by the fact that people actually make not being able to breathe a sport.

May 5, 2012 The First 24 Hours

Posted by facelikeafryingpan in May 2012 and tagged with , , ,

“You know more than you think you know, just as you know less than you want to know.” Oscar Wilde.

Something occurred to me the other day as I was engaging in what many call a time-wasting pursuit–watching TV.  Every day is an opportunity to learn–and the “teacher” is often found in the least expected places.

Over the past 24 hours, I have learned three noteworthy (at least noteworthy to me) things:

1)  There is actually a name for the condition of temporarily being unable to remember or put one’s finger on a particular word or name.  We’ve all experienced this, but who would have thunk that someone has actually given it a moniker.  Hopefully, I’ll be able to remember this vocabulary gem when I need it.

Where did I learn this valuable tidbit?  In the pages of the novel, The Girl Who Chased The Moon, by Sarah Addison Allen.  Reading is good for the brain.

2)  Now here is a gem that I learned late last night during my first ever foray into the fascinating world of Storage Wars.  Someone actually thought of creating a ceiling fan that has retractable blades!  Let’s face it.  A regular ceiling fan with its clunky, oar-like propellers is an unsightly blemish  that most decors could do with out.  Now, you only need to endure its ugliness when the fan is actually in use.  And on cool days, your really tall friends can come over without fear of leaving concussed–just don’t turn it on without telling them.

3)  Usually, I loathe Reality TV Wedding Shows.  I know, this isn’t very “girlie” of me, but it’s true.  Today, however, I got lured in to watching My Fair Wedding With David Tutera and I learned something new.  I got introduced to the “Escort Card,” a cousin of the better-known “Place Card.”  We all know (well, at least most of us know) that a Place Card is a little name card that sits at place settings to tell guests who sits where.  Until recently, this card has been deemed “sufficient” for the task.  Apparently, this is no longer the case.  The wedding, much like an episode of The Amazing Race, must contain a series of clues–the first of which is the Escort Card.  This little gem tells guests which table they are seated at and is usually attractively displayed in an envelope with the guests’ names on it (if you are a visual learner like me, see picture for visual aid).  They follow this clue in order to find their next one–the Place Card.  And the prize?  A hand-made wedding favour, of course.