It would seem that my formerly mentioned head full of snot, which I had chalked up to being a mere summer cold, has somehow mutated into whooping cough. Yes, I am being bested by a childhood disease. I tell you–kids are tough. I think if adults had to endure teething, we’d go ballistic. Millions of newly-toothed adults pounding the snot out of each other. Oops, there’s the word “snot” again. I’m a little preoccupied with it.
And the term “whooping cough” sounds like it should be much more fun than it actually is. I, in no way, feel like saying “whoop.” I do, however, feel like beating myself over the head with a sack of hammers.
I remind myself of an episode of Seinfeld–come to think of it, everything reminds me of an episode of Seinfeld.
1) Humans have been trying to “humanize” the animals around them ever since Noah crammed them into the world’s first cruise ship. Poodles with parkas, pink dyed curls, and booties. Need I say more?
This funky chicken appears to be enjoying her Elton John-esque, rose-coloured glasses–but don’t let her seemingly sunny disposition fool you. In fact, these shades have been designed to prevent her from pecking her friends and relations…um…to death. Yes, not all chickens are peaceful Foghorn Leghorn types.
I first came across these poultry accessories on an episode of Storage Wars. Barry Weiss is not only easy on my 20/20 vision eyes, but he is also a fountain of knowledge–quickly identifying the mysterious objects as chicken glasses.
Check out this 1947 news clip. You’ll be amazed by what passed for “clever banter” back then. Not a glowing moment in our developmental history.
2) We’ve all heard of shoes for dogs, but what about shoes that look like dogs? Now you can say, “these puppies hurt my feet” and really mean it.
Created by Israeli designer, Kobi Levi, in 2010, these babies raised a few eyebrows…human and schnauzer alike.
I said, “Heel!”
3) Snoopy thinks he is human. He composes novels, engages in regular plane fights, decorates his doghouse for Christmas, ice skates, and prepares turkey dinners. I’d love a dog that cooked. Especially if he cleaned the kitchen afterwards.
Here are a few interesting facts about Snoopy:
He loves root beer. Mm. root beer.
He’s afraid of large, dangling icicles.
His favourite brand of dog food is called “For Dogs Who Flew in World War 1 and understand a little French.”
He was once engaged, but his bride-to-be took off with a Golden Retriever. Must have been the hair. And the height.
He plays the accordion and has a penchant for polka music. Okay, that makes him a human with bad taste.
Here is a whooping crane. I have whooping cough. I don’t like this bird right now.
Photo Credits: Chicken in shades (gp1.pinbike.org), Dog shoes (glamour.com), Snoopy (www.myfreewallpapers.net), whooping crane (www.birdorable.com).
You are the master of all blog titles. WTF- now I know why whooping cough is going around like crazy- damn birds. You know that in a lot of cultures birds are considered evil because they can transcend the three realms (earth, water, air.) Those fuc*kers. Great post!
Thanks!! Yes, I am not a fan of feathered creatures right now.
True story, I knew of a man who was given a tetracycline prescription, but instead of having it filled, went to the pet store and stocked up on fish tetracycline because it was cheaper. I’m not sure how it affected his condition, but his scales were beautiful.
You’re too funny! I think I’ll leave my scales alone.
Hope you are feeling better very soon.
Ok….the shoes. I’m sorry but I’d be a little afraid to wear those in the springtime when “love” is in the air…… WOW!
Yes. “Love” and dog manure.
Good to know that your whooping hasn’t affected your humor. 😉
By the way – Snoopy is a family favorite yet none of us ever knew he was engaged. How did we miss that??
I just learned that fact today. Why would anyone jilt Snoopy?
When I was a kid, someone gave me the book “Snoopy, Come Home.” It’s the one and only book that has ever brought me to tears.
I can’t even imagine what she was thinking. He’s the coolest!
We have that recorded on our dvr and it still makes my eyes sweat.
It’s a movie? I had no idea! I’ll have to check it out and work up an eye sweat, myself!!
Oh yeah – it’s a classic. At least at our house. When our youngest was a toddler he’d carry around his stuffed Snoopy and sing the “Snoopy come home” song.
How can you possibly have whooping cough and write a blog…. AND still be funny!!! You are super woman!!!! Hope you feel better soon!!
Thank you! I was hoping for coherent at the very least!
Thanks Kim – I have had my first smile – I mean first laugh of the day!
Julie
Glad to oblige!!