“Stop writhing on the floor and pet my rubber glove chicken” and other strange things I said in the 1980s.

Much of my early college days were a blur.  I was 17,  and 300 miles away from home in the big city of Toronto, surrounded by other equally young and stupid people.  And my college did it’s part to encourage the corruption of its youth.  Not only did it host regular pub event on campus, but it often shipped busloads full of novice alcoholics to Buffalo and Niagara Falls, New York.  The bars were bigger.  The drinking age would remain a mere 19 until December of that year.  And the pubs had sober-sounding monikers like The Library. Yes, we could honestly tell our concerned parents that we were spending our Friday nights at the library.  How convenient.  Club Exit in Niagara Falls was a little harder to explain.  I don’t remember much about either of these places, but I know they served booze.

Um.  They had menus?  And tables?  I thought the whole place was just a big, black void.  At least, that's how I remember it.

Um. They had menus? And tables? I thought the whole place was just a big, black void. At least, that’s how I remember it.

And, yes.  The legal drinking age WAS 19.  And I WAS 17.  But we won’t discuss how I got around that one.  Because, of course, it was all perfectly legal.

This is all that remains of Club Exit.  A logo.  And a drinking glass that I have never parted with.

This is all that remains of Club Exit. A logo. And a drinking glass that I have never parted with.

In between my vodka & Tang induced blackouts, I do recall one rather bizarre detail.  People dancing on the floor.  Literally ON THE FLOOR.  Lying on it.  Writhing to the music.

Has anyone checked to see if they are okay?  Maybe they are having synchronized seizures.

Has anyone checked to see if they are okay? Maybe they are having synchronized seizures.

The song was either “How Soon is Now” by the Smiths or “Every Day is Halloween” by Ministry.  I loved both, so I grabbed the nearest cute guy (vodka and Tang makes a person brave) and dragged him up on the dance floor.  I’m showcasing my best 80s moves and I notice that my tall-haired partner is missing.  I scan the dance floor.  WTF?  Did he vanish in to thin air?  Hell no, that would have been the preferred option.  Rather, he is prone on the floor–apparently having the time of his life.  I don’t even think he noticed when I walked off.  I should have stepped on him.

Ah.  I loved the 80s.

Rather than embark on the uncovering of three new weird and goofy facts, I thought that today I’d simply re-visit some of the weirdest stuff from the ’80s, the best decade yet.

Slouch socks. How did we fight the urge to keep pulling these damn droopy things up?

Parachute pants were basically tents with legs and flattered NO ONE...including the chick donning them here.

Parachute pants were basically tents with legs and flattered NO ONE…including the chick donning them here.

The women of TV's "Dallas" sported linebacker shoulder-padding that made their heads look rather pin-like.

Shoulder pads: the women of TV’s “Dallas” sported linebacker shoulder-padding that made their heads look like push pins.

The Adidas bag.  No high school nerd was complete without it.

The Adidas bag. No high school nerd was complete without it.

Absolutely everything came in dusty rose--clothes, walls, furniture.  Ugh.  Didn't the K-Car even come in a shade of this 1980s colour?

Absolutely everything came in dusty rose–clothes, walls, furniture. Ugh. Didn’t the K-Car even come in a shade of this 1980s colour?

The Chevette.  Yes, it was butt ugly, but everyone had one or knew someone who had one.

The Chevette. Yes, it was butt ugly, but everyone had one or knew someone who had one.

Atari-This exciting piece of technology caused ooo's and aaah's everywhere it went.

Atari-This exciting piece of technology caused ooo’s and aaah’s everywhere it went.  Now it just makes us laugh.

Stirrup stretch pants were all the rage.  I know they that when I see them, they make me rage.

Stirrup stretch pants were all the rage. I was short so the foot part always hung loosely and bunched up in my shoes.

Who could forget The Man With Two Brains?  Believe me, I've tried.  Oh pointy bird, oh pointy pointy.  Anoint my head.  Anointy-nointy.

Who could forget The Man With Two Brains? Believe me, I’ve tried. Oh pointy bird, oh pointy pointy. Anoint my head. Anointy-nointy.

Knots Landing's Lisa Hartman had great (big) hair.  I wore mine exactly like it in grade 12 and thought it was the coolest thing ever.

Knots Landing‘s Lisa Hartman had great (big) hair. I wore mine exactly like it in grade 12 and thought it was the coolest thing ever.

High school me and my rubber glove chicken.  Yup, I was a dork.

High school me and my rubber glove chicken. Yup, I was a dork.

Photo Credits:  The Library (urbanspoon.com),  Club Exit (trademarkia.com), slouch socks (elliesox.com), parachute pants (digital changeling.com),  Adidas & Dusty rose (etsy.com), chevette (charest.net), atari (thenestway.com), stirrups (sodahead.com), Man with 2 Brains (www.guardian.co.uk), Knots Landing (bonkbusterdiaries.com).

18 responses

  1. Ah the 80s. I, too had a very good time during that decade, which is miraculous given how horribly dressed we all were. I don’t even like to think of the state of my hair. I blame Madonna for all the scrunching and the big black bows.

  2. No way – my stirrups always bunched in my shoes too! That was okay though because I could hide them in my slouchy socks and no one noticed because my shoulder pads and big hair distracted them for looking at my feet. 😉
    Thanks for the trip down memory lane…..the 80’s ROCKED!

  3. Look at you! You are such a cutie! I too am 5’0 plus I was kind of chubby so I never owned a pair of stirrup pants….it just never would have worked! I was so disappointed because I was the only girl in class without a pair of dusty rose stirrup pants! Great post as always!

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