I have spent Christmas nursing some life-sucking virus that entered my body when an intellectually sub-par primate with a leaking face approached my cash register. He was the perfect poster child for the power of influenza–bloodshot eyes that oozed green globules of snot, a crimson clown-like nose, and so many cold sores around his mouth that he looked like he had been bobbing for apples with razor blades in them.
What dragged this typhus-laden individual from the solitude of his eiderdown comforter out into the public oxygen space? Apparently, he was experiencing some sort of emergency that could only be solved by purchasing an…um…book. I didn’t see exactly what book he was buying as I was rather obsessively trying not to touch any part of said book that had come in contact with his sweat-drenched, bacteria-riddled hands.
Perhaps, his home was on fire and he wanted to read up on planning escape routes. I really don’t know. Hopefully, he did manage to go home and successfully escape the flames.
Maybe, his illness had simply rendered him bored–in dire need of mental stimulation. Based on his apparent brain power, however, I am convinced that the tasks of putting on his pants and tying up his shoes should have proved mentally stimulating enough.
Thanks to this nitwit, I have forgone the fun that is Christmas. No Christmas Eve church service. No volunteering at the annual Christmas dinner for the lonely or destitute. And, damn it all, no trekking to Walmart to battle the masses for Boxing Day deals on cheap batteries, DVDs, and half-priced Lindt chocolates. I blame you Face Running Man. A pox upon your household.
But to everyone else, I wish you giggles, hugs, and good health!!
Photos courtesy of:
Sick man http://oystercardjunkie.co.uk/tag/office-life/
Snot rag: http://www.kaboodle.com/reviews/snot-rag-handkerchief
Feel better, man. And give it all to New Year’s!
Yup, I plan to have a fantabulous 2014!! Thank you!
great read!! https://twitter.com/JeremyDeanLies
Thanks Jeremy. Am heading over to your Twitter right now!!
so sorry you are under the weather–how miserable–hope your new year is better
Thank you, Homefront! At least I’ll be immune to this virus in 2014!! Hehe.
that is thinking positive–good for you–now have a hot rum toddy and enjoy – Lou
Hope you are feeling 100% soon. I know a few people who spend Christmas without power, so I hope you didn’t have any other trials this time of year.
Thankfully, our power is fully functioning. But my heart goes out to all of those that had to endure our coldsnap without power and heat. Thank you and happy 2014!!
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Sorry to hear that you’ve been ill, but you do make me laugh! Hope you have a happy healthy New Year ! E
Thank you! I wish you a wonderful New Year too.