My husband has been looking for a pair of reasonably priced black sandals for much of the summer. He’s a tad bit picky. And he has big feet. Like skin-coloured scuba flippers. With hair. Well, he finally found a pair of affordable and massive footwear and bought a pair of spongy, comfy, and (hopefully successful) odour-eating insoles. The insoles, however, were an unsightly loud colour and stood out like a sore thumb (or should I say toe) against the black.
Now, my husband is a very resourceful type. No conundrum is too great for his mental prowess. Don’t like the colour of your insoles? No problem. That’s what black permanent markers are for. Well, after covering the obnoxious orange with flat black he modelled his fancy feet for me. I was impressed. “Very nice,” I probably said. Or something like that.
The next morning, I entered the shower and was dismayed by the charcoal briquette-coloured footprints on the usually shiny porcelain. Was there a giant licorice baby on the prowl? Mm. Licorice.
No. No mutant snack foods around here. Apparently, permanent marker is no match for a pair of sweaty size 13s.
1) Yesterday was National Mustard Day. If any condiment deserved a day of its very own, I would say its mustard. So I suppose you are wondering why the heck I have a picture of broccoli (yup, that’s broccoli) on a post dedicated to mustard. Or maybe you’re not wondering at all, but let’s just pretend you are.
According to the British Journal of Nutrition, we should be dousing our cooked broccoli spears with the yellow condiment. Cooking broccoli kills its myrosinase–an enzyme that enables us to absorb the cancer-fighting and anti-diabetic compound, sulforaphane. Mustard is high in myrosinase, so problem solved.
Head hurts. Too many big words.
But seriously, mustard on broccoli? Gack. Just threw up in my mouth a bit over that one.
2) Speaking of throwing up–meet the Guinness Book of World Records‘ oldest vomit.
I don’t know quite what to say about this other than, “Ick. Who the hell would want to hold a chunk of puke?” Which is immediately followed by, “And who the hell would want a picture of them holding a chunk of puke?” I’m sure this guy is a hero among his archaeologist friends. This could be why I don’t have any archaeologist friends. Some things should remain buried in dirt.
Well, back to the vomit. Found in Peterborough, UK, it is believed to be 160 million years old. What has something got to eat to have its barf last millions of decades? Definitely not the cereal I had this morning. Even if it was Fibre 1. But that’s a whole other story.
3) When I was a kid, I was taught it was wrong to play with my food. I wonder if my failure to succeed as a cereal artist can be traced back to this rule? Yes, I said CEREAL artist. If I had been allowed to play with my Froot Loops (mm. Froot Loops), I could have been the one to create one of these masterpieces.
My apologies to all the archaeologists out there. I am sure you are quite interesting people. No, really.
Photo Credits: broccoli head (www.watson.org), vomit (www.newscientist.com), Larry King (www.metro.co.uk), Obama (www.buzzfeed.com), Pamela Anderson (www.metro.co.uk), Jerry Seinfeld (www.fakedpotatoes.com), Rice Krispie goose (http://sweetandunsavoury.blogspot.ca/),