Underwear for your Hands, Fur for your Tongue, and Blankets for your Security

When I die, I want to die like my grandfather who died peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in his car.” – Will Rogers

We feed the crows and ravens that live around our house.  In fact, they actually come when I call them.  The neighbours have grown accustomed to hearing me call “Big Bird”…at least, I think they have become accustomed to this.

The thing they are not likely used to is finding weird food items in odd places.  We often give the crows bread with peanut butter on it.  Needless to say, I often see slices of whole wheat basking on my neighbour’s roof.  He has found chicken bones in his gutter, which he finds especially puzzling.  We, of course, play dumb.  And the best, was french fries on top of his cedar hedge.  That was a head-scratcher for sure.

1)  I know that I’ve featured a number of dumb products that are actually available to the public, but this one is special.

At first, I dismissed it as being too stupid to be true.  But, the more I look at them, the more they grow on me. They’re kind of cute.  Probably great for cycling. Who would have thought–tighty whities for the hand!

The website claims they prevent chafing (who gets hand chafing?), distract your enemies (who is this person that is so hated that they must wear attention-grabbing undergarments on their hands?), and are perfect for jazz hands.  So, for a mere $11.95 plus shipping you can do all of the above and more.      http://www.mcphee.com/shop/products/Handerpants.html

2) Okay, I just grossed myself out.  This picture is like a traffic accident.  I don’t want to look at it, but I can’t stop.  And the worst part is that this could happen to any one of us.

This is a condition called “hairy tongue.”  Apparently, in normal circumstances, our papillae are worn down by food and usual mouth activity.  Sometimes, however, the papillae grow longer than normal and become “stained” by food and tobacco.  If I had a tongue that looked like this, I would never leave the house again.

How can I avoid this infliction?  It is caused by the use of antibiotics and is linked to thrush.  And some sources state that it can also occur within 24 hours of taking Pepto-Bismol.

If you should wake up one morning with a furry, black tongue, don’t panic.  It usually resolves itself.  And you can help it along by brushing your tongue twice a day with a soft toothbrush.

I, however, would probably attack the hairy beast with an SOS pad.  And a giant eraser.  Maybe even a Mr. Clean Eraser.  This is truly gross.

3)  Did you know that Charles Schulz is famous for more than just the creation of the beloved Peanuts characters?  He is also responsible for the term “security blanket.”  Cool.  I’d love to invent my own word or phrase, but unfortunately all my ideas are dopey and probably won’t catch on.

Speaking of security blankets, did you have one?  I did.  It was a light green towel with a purple stripe in the middle and its name was “Huggy.”  Huggy did double duty by also acting as my napping blanket in kindergarten.

I wonder where Huggy is now.  I am probably better off not knowing.  He probably didn’t go to his happy place.