“That guy impressed me and I am not easily impressed. Wow! A blue car!”  Homer Simpson.

I love summer.  Sunshine, flowers, flip flops.  Seriously, what’s not to love.  Well, maybe one thing.  Zits.  I am a giant, red pimple.  You may be wondering what the connection is between summer and zits, so let me explain.  Summer warmth and outdoor activity leads to increased perspiration in most people–and I am an expert sweater (someone who sweats, not a warm woolly garment).  And I sweat best on the lower half of my face.  For the next three months or so, I will have a blemish beard.  I can’t believe I waited all winter for this.

1)  A friend of mine sent me an e-mail today with a trick question in it.  What colour is a plane’s black box?  One would think it would be black.  Turns out that it is actually orange–a colour that probably makes it easier to find in a pile of rubble scattered over a vast area.  So, why don’t they just call it what it is–an orange box?  Actually, it isn’t really a box.  It’s more of a rectangle.  It should be an orange rectangle.

One theory, according to Wikipedia, is that the “black box” actually refers to the inside of the box.  In early days, darkness was required to prevent light from entering the box and compromising the film-based records.

We may never know with great certainty how it’s colour-blind name came about.  All I know is that it’s a good thing I’ve never been sent out to retrieve a black box.  I’d still be out there looking for something that doesn’t exist.

2)  Quick question…what is the most common street name in the United States?  I’ll rattle on aimlessly for a few paragraphs while you think about this.

I’ve lived on lots of different streets.  Some had royal names like King, Queen, and Palace.  I think these names were meant to make we apartment dwellers feel important.  Some were named after trees–ElmRidge, Birchwood, and Cedarwood–even though none of them had a significant number of elms, birches, or cedars.  My personal favourites didn’t make any sense either, but they sounded nice–Sandcastle (miles away from any water…and even more miles away from a decent beach)and Alta Vista (my “vista” was the post office and the bus transit route–not exactly “alta,” but words that end in a vowel are prettier, so the name was pretty x2).

I’d love to hear any street name stories that you’d like to share, by the way.

You’ve been very patient with me, so I’ll now reward you with the answer to the question.  The most common street name in the U.S. is (drum roll please)….Second.  Yes, not First, but Second.  Weird.  The Second most common street name is Third.  And First is Third.  This is starting to sound like a baseball joke.  Ironically, Fourth is fourth.

3)  I watch Dragon’s Den and Shark Tank and I know that some people have some really stupid ideas.  Thankfully, the wise investors from the Den and the Tank can smell stupidity a mile away.  Unfortunately, the people at “Jaloop,” a company which claims to provide the public with products that are unlike anything else available, thrive on stupid products.

Meet Exhibit A.  The Pee Puck.  This is no ordinary urinal puck.  This doesn’t clean the toilet–it dirties it.  Apparently, this gag gift is designed to make people laugh.  Excuse the pun, but this product would just piss me off.

According to peepuck.com (yes, it has it’s own website), you place the puck in the reservoir and it will create pee-coloured water for days.  Your intended victim will go nuts wondering why they keep forgetting to flush.  Maybe they will think someone has been sneaking in to use their toilet.  Or maybe, they’ll call in the City Works Department to see what’s wrong with their water.  Either way, I’m sure they will really appreciate all the “laughter” you created with this wonderful gift.  Where’s Kevin O’Leary when you need him?