My mouth smells like butt, but it tastes like foot.

I wonder how many people have accidentally put the family rectal thermometer in their mouth?

Or brushed their teeth with the grout-scrubbing tooth brush? (Was the black crap in the bristles not a dead giveaway? Or do you eat profuse amounts of licorice?)

Thankfully, I have not engaged in any of the above. At least, I don’t think I have. Note to self…purchase Family-Sized bottle of Listerine. The worst thing that has ever ended up in my mouth is a copious quantity of puddle water and a few large insects. Part of the problem is that I am always talking and, as a result, my mouth can usually be found in the open position.  My dentist, by the way, states that I have one of the smallest mouths he has ever encountered, so the “large” insects may not actually be that large. They just take up a lot of room in my petite orifice. He did add that the size of my mouth did not necessarily reflect the amount of noise that comes out of it. Another note to self: look for new dental professional.

It stands to reason, then, that if I had a much larger mouth I would have a much longer list of odd objects that have landed in it. Francisco Domingo Joaquim of Angola has the World’s Largest Mouth according to the folks at Guinness World Records. With a width of 17 cm or 6.69 inches, this dude can carry his lunch–including a can of Coke–in his face.

As I write this blog, my husband has just dropped the lid from a pen on the floor. I tend to use my dexterous feet in matters like this to pick things up and, while he did not look overly pleased at the prospect of retrieving the lid from between my toes, he gave in a took it. I must now add that the pen lid is well chewed–by me–so I will likely be adding another gross thing to my list of things that have been in my mouth. A toe-juice smothered pen lid.

Alicia Silverstone‘s son, Bear Blu, has more than just a Muppet-like name to cope with.  Unless you are new to the planet, you have likely seen videos of Silverstone’s bizarre child-feeding habits. The Clueless star–in more ways then one–adheres  to the birdlike “chew it up and spit it in your kid’s mouth” method. Ack. Suddenly the rectal thermometer doesn’t seem so bad, does it?


Perhaps, if I learned to speak faster I would spend less time with my mouth open. Hm.  I could take lessons from Fran Capo. Check her out on Sunrise Television. She is the second person to do her rendition of the Three Little Pigs on this video.



Don’t you hate it when this happens?

What is the strangest thing that has ever ended up in your mouth? 


If you have a collection of oddities hanging around in your digestive tract from your younger years, you may enjoy Lynn Hasselberger’s post on the weird stuff that she has put in her mouth.