strange dreams | The Embiggens Project

I tend to dream a lot. Part of my breakfast routine is sharing my previous night’s slumber adventures with my husband. He doesn’t really listen, but I tell him about them anyways. He claims he doesn’t dream. I tell him, “everyone dreams, but not everyone remembers.” He doesn’t believe this.

I miss dreaming. It would seem that my cough suppressant-induced comas aren’t conducive to dreams. I do enjoy being able to sleep through the night without awaking to rib-snapping fits of hacking up phlegm (who wouldn’t right?), but I no longer have anything exciting to talk about over breakfast.

I once dreamt that I was shopping for Peanut Butter Pirate Cookies with Betty White. That was fun. I’ve also ridden a roller-coaster with Gordon Ramsay yelling in my ear. That was strange, but I find Ramsay rather sexy. Especially when he’s cursing. I don’t know what “bollocks” are, but they sound dirty. My sleep-twin has been rescued and seduced by Horatio Cain, sunglasses and all–which made me look at David Caruso in a whole new light. I’ve even had my childhood dog return to life–but in my dream, he smelled like decaying canine (whatever that smells like) and I felt guilty for not wanting to play with him.

I would love to hear about your strangest dreams. Maybe I could pretend they were mine and talk about them over tomorrow’s breakfast?

1) In my Gordon Ramsay dream, we were stuck in a car at the top of a roller coaster. And, no, not a roller coaster car–a street car. In his defense, that could explain a lot of his yelling. And his profanities.

It would appear that someone in Japan also has strange dreams–dreams that he or she later makes a reality. Welcome to the the Skycycle in Okayama‘s Washuzan Highland Park–a roller coaster buggy that you must pedal, yourself. Just what I need–a mixture of terrifying heights and cardio.

And I hate roller coasters. I am afraid of heights and I suffer from motion sickness. These give me panic attacks while I barf. I have found that the best way to endure one is to simply close my eyes. Well, this Japanese invention totally rules that remedy out. I don’t want to be the one pedaling with their eyes closed, bumping into everyone else’s cart. I might shove someone off the track, sending them plummeting to the ground below, perhaps on top of a vehicle carrying an elderly couple and their great grandchildren and their blind chihuahua, Clive, which would be a shame, course. Or worse, I might hit Gordon Ramsay. And he’d yell at me. Hey, maybe dreams can come true.

Here’s what this thing looks like in action. It looks sort of sedate, but remember…this involves the prolonged torture of having to LOOK DOWN!

2) As I sit down to breakfast to bombard my husband with tales of my dreams the night before, I’ll have to stop and inspect my cereal more closely. I could be inadvertently devouring a small fortune–and the likeness of a province or state.

Apparently, two sisters from Virginia (who knew their geographical shapes quite well and, obviously, eat very slowly) discovered this Illinois-like flake and managed to sell it on e-bay for $1350.

Rumour has it that the pair originally tried to auction the flake, itself, but were not in accordance with e-bay’s food rules. Instead, they auctioned off a coupon redeemable for this crispy corn Illinois replica. Clever.

3) So, in the dream about my “dead dog come back to life,” I am happy to see my canine friend. Don’t get me wrong. But he smells really bad. Doggy breath is raunchy at the best of times, but after being dead for twenty years–ACK!

Now here is a dog that I wouldn’t want puppy kisses from at all–dead or alive. This is Puggy, the Guinness Record Holder for the dog with the longest tongue–the Gene Simmons of the canine world. This otherwise cute little Pekingese has 4 1/5 inches of dog-slobber-laden papillae. ACK, again.

If you’d like to see Puggy and his pink friend in action, here you are: