Please Don’t Free That Willy

I recently learned an interesting little factoid. A blue whale’s fart bubble is large enough to encapsulate a horse. In this way, they are much like my husband’s farts. Except his are not ensconced in a protective layer of water and are more mushroom cloud-like.

mushroom cloud

“It was he who farted,” the villagers exclaimed as their town lay in ruins. “We will have to rebuild, but first–kill him.”

Pubs.usgs.gov

While images of giant whale farts seem cute and amusing, I find myself worrying about unsuspecting sea life and the impact that a giant fish colon blow can have on their lives.

spongebob

Which raises another question. Why can’t those people who sell CDs of supposed tranquility-inspiring whale songs include a few fart noises in the mix? I mean, come on. Sure whales make cool noises, but after a few minutes even the most talented diva in the pod becomes stale. A whale fart, however, never grows old.

I recently learned another interesting tidbit of info pertaining to whales. While playing a game of trivia at work (this was, of course, during the first ever, never-to-be-repeated-again moment in which we were being non-productive), it was discovered that the Blue Whale has a penis size of up to 10 feet in length. Now, I have heard that “once you go black, you never go back,” but apparently it should be “once you go blue, there’ll be nothing left of your wazoo.”