I am feeling a tab bit discombobulated today and stringing together coherent thoughts is quite beyond my capabilities. Stupid, random sentences that have nothing to do with each other is much more within my reach.
Everyone seems to think birds have it made because they can fly. But imagine going through life with no arms. Seriously. Getting peanut butter off your beak without hands or paws or anything remotely like that must be a pain in the ass. And the “armed” creatures all make fun of the way you walk. It’s hard to strut when you have no arms to swing. Or hands to put in your pockets. Speaking of pockets, birds have very skinny legs and no hips, so pants are out of the question. And without arms, they can’t wear shirts. They will never know the joy of having pockets. Plus, they must get tired of eating the same old thing all the time. How many ways can you serve a worm?
Which brings me to another question. Why do we call pants “pants” in the plural? And why does one “pant” constitute a pair? Some say it’s because they have two legs in them. A shirt has two sleeves, but it remains a lowly, singular item. Is this because we place more value on legs than on arms? Hm. That should make the bird feel a bit better.
1) Birds, like anyone else, need to have fun and I am sure that one of their favourite pastimes involves well-aimed poop and shiny, red cars. I know. I own one. A shiny, red car that is. Not a bird poop. Although, I do occasionally have a few in my possession on said shiny, red car.
It turns out that someone has found a way to rob our feathered friends of this sport. Yes, they have created diapers for birds. How humiliating.
If you feel compelled to diaper your canary, you can find these babies at http://www.diapersforbirds.com/index.asp. They have even included a how-to video for the first-time avian parent.
They could have at least included pockets.
2) Even our insults seem to malign our feathered friends. Take the term “bird brain.” Humans have deemed the avian mind to be laughable–so small that even Dan Quayle (ironically named after a bird) could out-spell it.
But, perhaps, we have been wrong. Turns out that a diet of caterpillars and crickets is the healthy way to go. Ack. There goes my cinnamon swirl peanut butter with raisins in it. Never eat raisins before you compose a blog about bugs.
Scientists agree that insects are chalked full of protein, iron, and vitamins. For every 100 grams of caterpillars you gnaw on, you are getting 28 grams of protein. That’s impressive. Unless you’re the caterpillar. And if you prefer the finer things in life, perhaps steamed silk worm is more your style. Sounds elegant, doesn’t it?
And here’s a useful little ditty for you to remember the next time you go digging for your dinner:
Red, orange, yellow, forget this fellow.
Black, green, or brown, wolf it down.
3) Anyone who knows me, knows that I am a HUGE fan of crows. And I finally have the chance to feature one of the coolest roadside attractions that I had the thrill of discovering–three 11 foot tall metal crows in Upstate New York. They’re on the I-81 just south of the Ivy Lea Bridge (aka Thousand Islands Bridge) to Canada and can be seen most easily from the southbound lane. Don’t blink or you will miss them. Seriously.
Sculptor, Will Salisbury, created 3 Crows in a Field from 1999-2001 as a “campaign to abolish boredom.” I know it keeps me and my “bird brain” (actually referring to myself, not my husband) entertained.
Photo Credits: bugs (www.ifood.tv), crows (www.roadsideamerica.com), Gary Larson Cartoon (www.thebirdforums.com).
Love it!!! Also, thanks for the little ditty…you never know when that might come in handy!!
Thanks. Yes, that’s one ditty that will stick with me.
“A campaign to abolish boredom” – I like that. I think I’ll start one of my own.
You did! It’s called your blog!! keeps me from being bored.
Guess I never thought of that. Some days I think I’m pretty boring…but then I’m used to my own insanity.
It’s not just birds that poop on things, I was under a tree mindin’ me own bizz when I heard a distinct fart noise an’ a squrrel had dropped poo on me ! And it was purple ! ( The poo not the squirrel) And as for the little rhyme about colourful food, well, I am black and brown !?! Yikes !!
Don’t worry munkeyman. I don’t think anyone would ever mistake you as a bug!!
I read “purple”: I thought you meant the squirrel, I was worried about you. Wondering what you been smoking. Sorry my bad.
I don’t think anyone would try to eat you, especially if you keep that squirrel close!
You always make me laugh. I must remember to keep all liquids away from my mouth while reading your blog. I now must proceed to clean the water off the monitor and keyboard.
My apologies to your keyboard! Thank you though!!
Now its to my monitor, from your comment to my post “I’m plotting a murder!”. I promise I will learn not to drink while reading your writing.
OMG! Your computer station must be one beverage-soaked mess. Sorry.
It was pretty clean until I found your blog. I’m thinking I should never bring drinks to the PC again. Especially if I intend to read your blog. 😀
Or maybe find a water-proof cover for your PC.
Good Idea. I’ve seen the dentist has something, I’ll have to ask the next time I’m there. 8^o
OMG! I’d love to be a fly on the wall when you tell your dentist what it’s for!
Master, Master, Master, what is it with you and birds? I suppose its some kind of protective maternal instinct, considering that Humphrey would make a delicious snack for a couple of there avians. I won’t even comment on the worms (I’m a vegetarian). Also, I just read the Copyright Information on your side bar. Does this mean I need to write to you before I reblog or does that come under the ambit of wordpress?
You may re-blog me anytime you like. =)
Hi there I am so excited I found your site, I really found you by accident,
while I was researching on Bing for something else, Nonetheless I am here now and would
just like to say thank you for a remarkable post and a all
round enjoyable blog (I also love the theme/design), I don’t
have time to read it all at the minute but I have bookmarked it and also added your RSS feeds,
so when I have time I will be back to read a great deal more, Please do keep up the excellent b.
Thank you so much! I’m glad you found me too and that you enjoyed it!!