It seems fitting that a blog whose title includes the word “embiggens” should also include an entry entitled “The Itchy and Scratchy Show.” But, before you get your hopes up, it’s not what you think. It will not feature an aardvark-faced mouse or an axe-wielding cat. It will, in fact, feature nothing more than a bunch of rather itchy bumps.

It seems that I am the proud recipient of a strange and insidious rash that has encircled my eyelids and under-eyes (is that a word?) like an infectious raccoon. Cortisone cream seems to work, but this rash — like a highly skilled maze runner — always manages to stay one step ahead of its steroidal enemy.

On the upside, it has taken my mind off COVID.

(Image: Piggy Photo: https://pixabay.com/illustrations/ai-generated-fantasy-pig-sweater-7699903/)

I have always considered myself to have pig’s eyes. Picture a pig’s eye. Non-descript. Invisible lashes. No outstanding features. Blank. This is me without makeup. 

And, while I’m talking about pig’s eyes, did you know that Saint Paul, Minnesota was originally named Pig’s Eye after a one-eyed, whiskey-brewing reprobate? According to Minnesota Fun Facts, “His bad eye had a sinister white ring around the pupil, giving it a kind of piggish expression to his features and he became known as “Pig’s Eye.” And, like one quarter of the Face Like A Frying Pan family, he was French Canadian. 

Since no post is complete without a reference to a Muppet — and I could not write a piece about pigs without wanting to find a Miss Piggy fact — I managed to find a rather tasty little tidbit. According to The Smithsonian, the world’s most beloved pork puppet was originally named Piggy Lee in honour of the famous jazz singer, Peggy Lee. Her name was shortened to Miss Piggy as no one wanted Ms. Lee to take offense.