I am The Itchy and Scratchy Show

It seems fitting that a blog whose title includes the word “embiggens” should also include an entry entitled “The Itchy and Scratchy Show.” But, before you get your hopes up, it’s not what you think. It will not feature an aardvark-faced mouse or an axe-wielding cat. It will, in fact, feature nothing more than a bunch of rather itchy bumps…that make me scratch.

It seems that I am the proud recipient of a strange and insidious rash that has encircled my eyelids and under-eyes (is that a word?) like an infectious raccoon. Cortisone cream seems to work, but this rash — like a highly skilled maze runner — always manages to stay one step ahead of its steroidal enemy.

On the upside, it has taken my mind off COVID.

I have always considered myself to have pig’s eyes. Picture a pig’s eye. Non-descript. Invisible lashes. No outstanding features. Blank. This is me without makeup. 

pig eyes

Not exactly “bedroom eyes.”

And, while I’m talking about pig’s eyes, did you know that Saint Paul, Minnesota was originally named Pig’s Eye after a one-eyed, whiskey-brewing reprobate? It’s true. I checked. And, like one quarter of the Face Like A Frying Pan family, he was French Canadian. 

Check out this video from The Passive Aggressive Guide to Minnesota History…


When we hear the term “sweating like a pig,” we automatically think of a human drenched in a thick layer of pungent perspiration. This couldn’t be further from the truth. Pigs actually have no sweat glands and; therefore, could be said to have the freshest pits around. This is why they enjoy rolling around in mud. A swine has got to cool off somehow. 

dwight shrute

Since no post is complete without a reference to a Muppet — and I could not write a piece about pigs without wanting to find a Miss Piggy fact — I managed to find a rather tasty little tidbit. Yes, the world’s most beloved pork puppet was originally named Piggy Lee in honour of the famous jazz singer, Peggy Lee. Her name was shortened to Miss Piggy as no one wanted Ms. Lee to take offense. 


I hereby proclaim that I would have no problem with any future Muppets being named in my honour. Even if they have pig eyes. With bumps around them.  

Image Credits:

Pink eye: https://www.creators.com/features/speed-bump

Pig eye: https://animals-are-cool.fandom.com/wiki/Domestic_Pig

Miss Piggy and Miss Peggy: https://www.ihearthollywood.com/2019/04/miss-piggys-origin-story.html


Until next time,

Face Like A Frying Pan