I am The Itchy and Scratchy Show

It seems fitting that a blog whose title includes the word “embiggens” should also include an entry entitled “The Itchy and Scratchy Show.” But, before you get your hopes up, it’s not what you think. It will not feature an aardvark-faced mouse or an axe-wielding cat. It will, in fact, feature nothing more than a bunch of rather itchy bumps…that make me scratch.

It seems that I am the proud recipient of a strange and insidious rash that has encircled my eyelids and under-eyes (is that a word?) like an infectious raccoon. Cortisone cream seems to work, but this rash — like a highly skilled maze runner — always manages to stay one step ahead of its steroidal enemy.

On the upside, it has taken my mind off COVID.

I have always considered myself to have pig’s eyes. Picture a pig’s eye. Non-descript. Invisible lashes. No outstanding features. Blank. This is me without makeup. 

pig eyes

Not exactly “bedroom eyes.”

And, while I’m talking about pig’s eyes, did you know that Saint Paul, Minnesota was originally named Pig’s Eye after a one-eyed, whiskey-brewing reprobate? It’s true. I checked. And, like one quarter of the Face Like A Frying Pan family, he was French Canadian. 

Check out this video from The Passive Aggressive Guide to Minnesota History…


When we hear the term “sweating like a pig,” we automatically think of a human drenched in a thick layer of pungent perspiration. This couldn’t be further from the truth. Pigs actually have no sweat glands and; therefore, could be said to have the freshest pits around. This is why they enjoy rolling around in mud. A swine has got to cool off somehow. 

dwight shrute

Since no post is complete without a reference to a Muppet — and I could not write a piece about pigs without wanting to find a Miss Piggy fact — I managed to find a rather tasty little tidbit. Yes, the world’s most beloved pork puppet was originally named Piggy Lee in honour of the famous jazz singer, Peggy Lee. Her name was shortened to Miss Piggy as no one wanted Ms. Lee to take offense. 


I hereby proclaim that I would have no problem with any future Muppets being named in my honour. Even if they have pig eyes. With bumps around them.  

Image Credits:

Pink eye: https://www.creators.com/features/speed-bump

Pig eye: https://animals-are-cool.fandom.com/wiki/Domestic_Pig

Miss Piggy and Miss Peggy: https://www.ihearthollywood.com/2019/04/miss-piggys-origin-story.html


Until next time,

Face Like A Frying Pan


Cavemen and Martians and Doughboys, Oh My!

I have as much faith in the newspaper’s daily horoscopes as I do in a Chinese factory worker’s ability to pen prophetic words and stuff them into my fortune cookie. This raises the question…Why aren’t  there more psychic lottery winners?

I do, however, find it interesting that cartoon characters and puppets have birthdays. Not because I think that everyone born on November 2 will share Cookie Monster’s unhealthy relationship with food or that those born on February 22 will suffer from Pebbles Flintstone’s speech impediment. It is simply fun. Unless, of course, you are like me and learn that not a single one of your beloved childhood characters shares your birthday.

Here is a list of assorted talking ducks, dogs, and other creatures and their dates of birth (according to various websites).

January 9-Daisy Duck

January 12-Mater

January 17-Huckleberry Hound

January 13-Rubber Duckie

January 28-Ernie

January 29-Aquaman

February 2-Fred Flintstone

February 3- Elmo

February 8-Beeker

February 12-Gromit (Wallace & Gromit)

February 14-Pink Power Ranger

February 17- Rod Flanders

February 19-Batman

February 22-Pebbles Flintstone

February 25-Patrick Star (Starfish)

February 29-Superman

March 2-Porky Pig

March 3-Lucy Van Pelt

March 4-Woodstock & Rowlf Dog

March 9-Barbie

March 17-Dennis the Menace

March 18-Pillsbury Dough boy

March 20-Big Bird

March 22- Kenny (South Park)

April 1- Bart Simpson

April 15-Huey, Dewey, and Louie Duck

April 17-Daffy Duck & Sherlock Hemlock (Sesame Street)

April 19- Sylvester the Cat

April 20-Barney Gumble

May 1-Sponge Bob Square Pants

May 5-Yosemite Sam

May 9-Kermit the Frog & Lisa Simpson

May 12-Homer Simpson

May 15- Minnie Mouse

May 21-Captain Caveman

May 25-Goofy & Winnie The Pooh & Gossamer

May 26-Kyle (South Park)

May 29-Iron Man & Top Cat

June 1-Oscar the Grouch

June 7-The Amazing Mumford

June 9-Donald Duck

June 14-Miss Piggy

June 19-Garfield & Tasmanian Devil

July 1-Guy Smiley & Cartman (South Park)

July 24-Marvin the Martian

July 26-Bert

July 27-Bugs Bunny & Jon Arbuckle (Garfield)

July 31-George Jetson

August 7- Wallace (Wallace & Gromit)

August 10-Touché Turtle

August 19-Snuffleupagus

August 21-Christopher Robin & Augie Doggie

August 29-Speedy Gonzales

August 31-Herry Monster

September 5-Clifford the Red Dog & Pluto

September 13-Scooby-Doo

September 15-Mr. Burns

September 19-Slimey

September 30- Snagglepuss

October 1-Marge Simpson

October 2-Snoopy

October 6-Peggy (King of the Hill)

October 9- The Count

October 14-Grover & Winnie the Pooh

October 16-Telly

October 19-Stan Marsh (South Park)

October 25-Squidward

October 28-ALF

October 30- Charlie Brown

November 2-Cookie Monster

November 18-Mickey Mouse

November 21-Quick Draw McGraw

November 30- Mr. Krabs (Sponge Bob)

December 17-Little Bird (Sesame Street)

December 22-Elsa (Disney)

December 25-Mr. Smithers

December 27-Howdy Doody

Who do you share a birthday with? Who would you most like to share it with?