“For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier… I put them in the same room and let them fight it out.” Steven Wright.
Two days until the start of Fall a.k.a. Autumn. I wonder why it has two names. Actually, I really wonder how the name “fall” came about. Is it because the leaves “fall?” What if you live in a country where leaves don’t fall? What if your surrounded by pines, or palms, or rubber trees? By the way, rubber trees sound cool. Trees made of rubber. I wonder if they bend like Gumby.
In winter, the snow “falls,” so why didn’t we call it fall? Why doesn’t summer have the alias “swelter?” Spring could be called “smells like poop.” I like that. People would ask, “Where are you going for Smells Like Poop Break?”
I am currently suffering through a summer cold–soon to become a Fall cold. My head is a throbbing cesspool of snot. My ears can no longer do what they are paid to do–hear. They seem to have decided to try aching instead. Even my tongue hurts. Who the hell gets a sore tongue?
On the upside, my husband is enjoying the quiet. But I am going crazy. I must yammer. Thank God for blogs. And a captive audience. Assuming you’re still there. (Insert sound of crickets).
And I’ve never actually seen a rubber tree. If you cut one down, I’m sure the logs don’t bounce. But I like to imagine they do. For some reason, this reminds me of a Seinfeld bit…
1) Speaking of bouncing, here is a ball that doesn’t bounce. It’s made of cling wrap. It clings.
According to the Guinness World Records people, this is the world’s largest ball made of cling wrap. There have been others? And this sucker weighs over 281 pounds. The last time I looked, Saran Wrap wasn’t cheap, making this one valuable ball. Not that anyone would want to use any of this cellophane now. He’s put his feet on it. And I think I see dog droppings in the lawn.
2) Rubber Trees remind me of the Osmond’s and their brief TV Show, The Osmond Family Show. Marie sang the song “High Hopes” about the rubber tree plant on that show. I was never a fan of Donnie & Marie, if I’m completely honest. I just remember that Donnie wore purple socks. The whole family had very nice teeth. I bet if they all smiled at once, the blinding, white light could be seen from space. And they were all horribly sweet and nice. They made the Brady Bunch look like the Manson Family. My favourite Brady was the dog, “Tiger,” which is a cat’s name–a fact that confused me immensely as a child. And, apparently, also as an adult. That sentence consisted of nothing but words that start with “a.” Cool.
3) So, while Marie Osmond was singing about an ant and a rubber tree plant, what were Americans naming their children? According to the Social Security Administration, 1979’s top names were:
Jennifer & Michael.
Out of curiosity, I checked 1929 as well. Turns out Mary & Robert were # 1 then.
That’s why my bike is named Bob. And my car. Bob’s a good name.
Now, I must go blow my nose.
Photo Credits: Cling Wrap Ball (Huffington Post), baby (blog.howdesign.com).
my cat’s name is Kitty Bob and I was confused as a child too–I am also confused as an adult
Maybe “confusion” is a sign of genius.
hey, I like that
I’ve always thought Mrs. Jorgensen is a nice name for a cat. No one else in my family does. We have no cat, so no Mrs. Jorgensen. My GPS is Joan.
Oh, I like Mrs. Jorgensen too! Although all my pets seem to be male, so I’d have Mr. Jorgensen. One of the sitcoms (can’t remember which one) was produced by a Snuffy Waldron–I always thought that would be a good animal name too.
I like Snuffy Waldron. One of our dogs had five puppies last year. I wanted to give them names from Shakespeare’s Julius Caesar, but my daughter wouldn’t let me. Party poop.
Oh, I like Shakespearean names! Very original.
I have to ask how one comes to the point that making the world’s largest cellophane ball becomes a life dream? Do you suppose they were sitting around one day feeling that their life had little meaning when suddenly it hit them while putting away the leftovers: “I know! I’ll make a giant ball out of this stuff. Yeah! That’d be cool!”
I know! I’ve started cellophane balls, elastic band balls, tin foil balls–you name it. Obviously, my inability to “stick with it” has held me back from great success! I wonder where that big ball is now?
I’m guessing a landfill….but I’m a cynic. Seriously have to wonder if it has to do with “stick with it” or “I have no life”. 😉
Oh, I like that. I do not lack “stick-to-it-iveness.” I simply have a life. I think I’ll make that my new mantra. lol.
It’s all in the angle with which you view things. We both know I’m good at finding the opscure angle….glad I could help.