I look like I have gone several rounds with Mohammed Ali this morning. My right eye is one giant saddle bag surrounded by scratches. Rumour has it, I have acquired an eye virus. Seriously? How in the heck does a person get an eye virus? It’s not as if I’ve been pushing elevator buttons with my retina or rinsing my eyes in other people’s backwash. And no one has sneezed directly in to my cornea. Lately.
And, yes, the full set of Samsonite that has taken residence in what was once my flat and bagless under-eye is damn itchy. After two consecutive mornings of waking up with massive claw marks–it looks like I’ve been battling Garfield for a lasagna–I have taken to wearing gloves to sleep. I hate it. Not only do I hate to have covers over my feet, but it turns out that I also hate having warm hands. I keep finding my white gloves–they make me look like I have Mickey Mouse hands–everywhere but on my fingers. And the claw marks continue to materialize.
After a glimpse in the mirror–followed by a wake-the-dead scream–I decided to visit my blogging friends for solace. You, after all, are unaware of my current monstrous appearance (well, at least you were until I told you about it. I am an idiot).
And, lo and behold, I have received a nomination for the Versatile Blogger Award! Behind their swollen itchiness, these Irish eyes are smiling! Just one question–does “versatile” imply or infer (can never get those two words straight) that I will write about absolutely anything? I don’t have a problem if it does–because I pretty much will write about anything. ANYTHING at all.
A huge thanks to The View From A Slightly Twisted Angle for nominating me. If you have not checked out her blog, you must! It is one of my all-time favourites. She is absolutely hilarious and never fails to make me laugh out loud.
I have cut and pasted the directions for accepting this award and hope that my crust-riddled eyes have read them correctly. They are:
- Link back to the person who nominated you.
- Nominate other blogs for the award.
- List 7 random things about you.
- Put the award pic on your acceptance post
I have completed numbers 1 and 4. Yay me. Now I must nominate some other bloggers.
This, That, and The Other Thang
I thought that seven would be a good number–you know, one for every day of the week. One of my other favs, Motherhood is an Art received this award at the same time as me. Otherwise, she would be nominated now too.
Ugh. Now I must come up with SEVEN random things about myself. Hm.
1. When I was a kid, I desperately wanted a dog. I even pretended to be one for awhile–I answered the door barking etc. I thought I’d embarrass my parents until they caved. Due to my allergies, I was limited to getting a poodle. This thought terrified me. The only poodles that I had ever seen were the ones with the silly hairdos. I actually believed they came that way. Thankfully, when I met the poodle that was to be mine, his hair was fluffy and evenly distributed throughout his body.
Who wouldn’t find this pointy-nosed, pom-pom footed, skinny assed dog cute?
2. Like I already said, I simply cannot seem to grasp the difference between “infer” and “imply.” I also seem to call cupboards closets and closets cupboards.
I don’t care if it’s a cupboard or a closet…as long as there isn’t a skeleton hiding in it.
3. I bought a gift for my friend’s baby that will be born in June. I’m not really sure what it is. It is tall and handmade, chocolate brown and white, it sits up and has very long arms. I call it Bear Monkey Dog. I think it will be staying at my house permanently and I will be buying her something else. It matches my chocolate brown walls and I’ve grown rather attached to it. Whatever it is.
Is it a bear? A monkey? A dog? You decide.
4. I recently bought a kid’s book for myself. It is called Stick Man and is, perhaps, one of the best children’s books ever. He’s a man…and he’s a stick. It sort of reminds me of the many sticks and rocks that I picked up as a kid and couldn’t put down because I wanted them to come home and “live” at our house. I was always adopting inanimate objects and feeling sorry for them. Sort of like Bear Monkey Dog.
Makes you think twice before burning kindling, doesn’t it? Maybe it’s just me.
5. I love the smell of gas. Not the farted type. I like gas as in gas-oline. I could work at a gas bar just so I could smell the product. Mm.
I said sniffing “gas,” not ASS.
6. Gail Vaz-Oxlade annoys me. Yes, she has to deal with an endless parade of morons. And, yes, half of them come to her for help, but don’t want to listen. But she bugs the crap out of me. Nails on a blackboard. The fact that she is on during suppertime doesn’t help. Nothing worse than being annoyed during a meal.
I know I’m annoying, but it works. See, I said I wouldn’t shut up until I got a tiara and I got one. .
7. Carrots are overrated. I have red hair. As an adult, I have come to appreciate it. Part of this is due to the fact that other adults say nice things about it. As a kid, I HATED having red hair. And this is down to the fact that other kids said bad things about it. To this day, I can’t hear a Woody Woodpecker laugh without cringing. I get more joy out of carving a pumpkin than most non-pumpkin-hair-coloured people do. And I harbour a deep resentment towards carrots. To me, they are only good for one thing. Snowman noses.
Even Frosty has bad “carrot” memories.
Photo Credits: Poodle (http://lifeissian.wordpress.com), Closet Cupboard (www.scaryforkids.com), Stickman (www.guardian.co.uk), dog butt (sodahead.com), Gail (www.torontosun.com),
The Embiggens Project 
love your seven things–seriously you are versatile–and I so appreciate and am honoured to be chosen as one of your recipients – thanks so much – it means a lot
and I will remember to keep carrots in perspective.
Take care of your eye–sounds awful
You are very welcome! My eye isn’t quite as bad as I make it sound–artistic license definitely being used. But it isn’t pretty either. lol.
I love artistic licence – it makes me sound so much more interesting than I am — you are already interesting so artistic licence just adds to your adorableness
I think we both use our artistic licenses quite well. Some people, however, should have theirs revoked. Hehe.
yes…yes, they should–are you interested in naming names? (just kidding)
Yaaaayyyy! I’m so fattered- I mean flattered! Thank you, Canadian Irish Ginger!
And the white gloves don’t have to be Mickey Mouse. You can also be Hamburger Helper, Mario, or Luigi- depending on body stature and status as a human or oven mitt. Oh, and I peed a little on my leopard skin nightie (yeah, it’s afternoon in Wisconsin) when I read that you get more joy carving pumpkins than most non-pumpkin-hair-coloured people do. If we ever meet, I really want to go grocery shopping, and/or carve pumpkins, and/or visit your old apartments.
Okay, I gotta brainstorm 7 random things about me that won’t offend too many people….
But thank you so very much for the nomination! I appreciate all of your support- you’re much better than my shot-out, flesh-colored, hand-me-down bra. And thank you for suggesting the other blogs- great stuff!!! Read you soon!
As a huge fan of the Hamburger Helper Hand and the sadly defunct Arby’s Oven Mitt, I’ll go with that. Thanks.
Glad to know that I am more supportive than the Granny Panty’s answer to bras.
How about shopping for pumpkins?
And I can’t wait to read your 7 random things!! I’ll go slap on a pair of Depends just for the read. They, too, are flesh-coloured. Hm. Can I borrow your bra?
I think that the image of a woman who describes herself to look like Danny DeVito wearing flesh-colored Depends and bra will either haunt or charm my life. I don’t know yet. And the 7 random things about myself- that’s just like another blog post for me. Anywho, thanks again, m’lday. The nomination made my Thursday and I look forward to writing the random post and giving you props in it. 🙂
I prefer to believe that versatile infers/implies (whichever) that we are people with a myrid of interests which makes us well-rounded. (Not the well rounded that comes from chocolate – the other kind.). Ok…..it means we’ll write about whatever pops into our heads, but “versatile” sounds better.
That is absolutely a bear monkey dog. I’d keep him too.
Try to think of white gloves as being royal. The queen loves them you know. Get well soon!
I like your take on “versatile.” I think we’ll go with that. Yes, I think Bear Monkey Dog will be staying.
Um, the Queen also likes really ugly hats.
Poodles are without a doubt the BEST DOGS IN THE ENTIRE WORLD.
That is all.
I know. I loved mine…once I realized that he didn’t come with a froo-froo haircut. They are so smart!
And they bounce like antelopes through the woods.
Haha! Yes, they do!
Oh man! First the cough, then the neck and now the eye! I like the monkey-bear-dog! Just keep it for yourself for sure! It will just confuse the poor kid! It will grow up calling monkeys dogs or bears monkeys. You don’t want to contribute to a child’s animal knowledge delinquency! We currently have a whole stock pile of acorns in our home that Bency has found over the course of the past year on his walks home from school. He felt bad for them and felt they needed a good home! Thank you so much for being such a great blogging friend!!!
I thank you for being a great blogging friend too! I always look forward to our “chats”!! Yes, I mustn’t confuse an innocent child. I like that. Yay, Bear Monkey Dog–you get to stay! Hehe. I love Bency. I have three burs in my bathroom (hiding behind a big fancy shmancy candle holder) that my husband and I had fun throwing at eachother over 10 years ago. I can’t bear to part with them. Oh my goodness–I should put eyes on them.
Thank you SO much for introducing me to Gail Whatshername. She’s absolutely delightful! Don’t believe me? Check out this little treasure from her site:
“Before you send me a question, search the site to see if I’ve already dealt with your issue because if I have you won’t be hearing back from me.”
I’ve encountered oozing sores with more charm. Tiara or not.
Yes, she definitely models a healthy dose of self-esteem. And, I agree. An evening spent with a weeping herpes scab would be about as enjoyable.
My, our descriptions sure are lady-like, aren’t they?
Sometimes the truth is just ugly.
Thank you so much for the nomination! Wow. It’s an honor. I wasn’t awake before I read your post, but after seeing the photo of the dogs, I feel quite alert. And horrified. Hope your eye gets better soon!
Yes. That pic revolted me too. So, of course, I had to include it. lol. And, thank you. My eye is much happier today.
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Giving you props:
http://annaweezy.wordpress.com/2013/02/07/whitney-houstons-comforter-and-a-blogging-award/