Is “Versatile” A Polite Way of Saying “Will Write About Absolutely Anything?”

I look like I have gone several rounds with Mohammed Ali this morning.  My right eye is one giant saddle bag surrounded by scratches.  Rumour has it, I have acquired an eye virus.  Seriously?  How in the heck does a person get an eye virus?  It’s not as if I’ve been pushing elevator buttons with my retina or rinsing my eyes in other people’s backwash.  And no one has sneezed directly in to my cornea.  Lately.  

And, yes, the full set of Samsonite that has taken residence in what was once my flat and bagless under-eye is damn itchy.  After two consecutive mornings of waking up with massive claw marks–it looks like I’ve been battling Garfield for a lasagna–I have taken to wearing gloves to sleep.  I hate it.  Not only do I hate to have covers over my feet, but it turns out that I also hate having warm hands.  I keep finding my white gloves–they make me look like I have Mickey Mouse hands–everywhere but on my fingers.  And the claw marks continue to materialize.

After a glimpse in the mirror–followed by a wake-the-dead scream–I decided to visit my blogging friends for solace.  You, after all, are unaware of my current monstrous appearance (well, at least you were until I told you about it.  I am an idiot).

And, lo and behold, I have received a nomination for the Versatile Blogger Award!  Behind their swollen itchiness, these Irish eyes are smiling!  Just one question–does “versatile” imply or infer (can never get those two words straight) that I will write about absolutely anything?  I don’t have a problem if it does–because I pretty much will write about anything.  ANYTHING at all.

versatileblogger11

A huge thanks to The View From A Slightly Twisted Angle for nominating me.  If you have not checked out her blog, you must!  It is one of my all-time favourites.  She is absolutely hilarious and never fails to make me laugh out loud.

I have cut and pasted the directions for accepting this award and hope that my crust-riddled eyes have read them correctly.  They are:

  1. Link back to the person who nominated you.
  2. Nominate other blogs for the award.
  3. List 7 random things about you.
  4. Put the award pic on your acceptance post

I have completed numbers 1 and 4.  Yay me.  Now I must nominate some other bloggers.

Twenty Seven In Twelve

Snoring Dog Studio

This, That, and The Other Thang

On The Homefront and Beyond

Swim in the Adult Pool

23thorns

Family Haikus

I thought that seven would be a good number–you know, one for every day of the week.  One of my other favs, Motherhood is an Art received this award at the same time as me.  Otherwise, she would be nominated now too.

Ugh.  Now I must come up with SEVEN random things about myself.  Hm.

1.  When I was a kid, I desperately wanted a dog.  I even pretended to be one for awhile–I answered the door barking etc.  I thought I’d embarrass my parents until they caved.  Due to my allergies, I was limited to getting a poodle.  This thought terrified me.  The only poodles that I had ever seen were the ones with the silly hairdos.  I actually believed they came that way.  Thankfully, when I met the poodle that was to be mine, his hair was fluffy and evenly distributed throughout his body.

Who wouldn't find this pointy-nosed, pom-pom footed, skinny assed dog cute?

Who wouldn’t find this pointy-nosed, pom-pom footed, skinny assed dog cute?

2.  Like I already said, I simply cannot seem to grasp the difference between “infer” and “imply.”   I also seem to call cupboards closets and closets cupboards.

I don’t care if it’s a cupboard or a closet…as long as there isn’t a skeleton hiding in it.

3.  I bought a gift for my friend’s baby that will be born in June.  I’m not really sure what it is.  It is tall and handmade, chocolate brown and white, it sits up and has very long arms.  I call it Bear Monkey Dog.  I think it will be staying at my house permanently and I will be buying her something else.  It matches my chocolate brown walls and I’ve grown rather attached to it.  Whatever it is.

Is it a bear?  A monkey?  A dog?  You decide.

Is it a bear? A monkey? A dog? You decide.

4.  I recently bought a kid’s book for myself.  It is called Stick Man and is, perhaps, one of the best children’s books ever.  He’s a man…and he’s a stick.  It sort of reminds me of the many sticks and rocks that I picked up as a kid and couldn’t put down because I wanted them to come home and “live” at our house.  I was always adopting inanimate objects and feeling sorry for them.  Sort of like Bear Monkey Dog.

Makes you think twice before burning kindling, doesn’t it? Maybe it’s just me.

5.  I love the smell of gas.  Not the farted type.  I like gas as in gas-oline.  I could work at a gas bar just so I could smell the product.  Mm.

I said sniffing “gas,” not ASS.

6. Gail Vaz-Oxlade annoys me.  Yes, she has to deal with an endless parade of morons.  And, yes, half of them come to her for help, but don’t want to listen.  But she bugs the crap out of me.  Nails on a blackboard.  The fact that she is on during suppertime doesn’t help.  Nothing worse than being annoyed during a meal.

I know I’m annoying, but it works. See, I said I wouldn’t shut up until I got a tiara and I got one. .

7.  Carrots are overrated.  I have red hair.  As an adult, I have come to appreciate it.  Part of this is due to the fact that other adults say nice things about it.  As a kid, I HATED having red hair.  And this is down to the fact that other kids said bad things about it.  To this day, I can’t hear a Woody Woodpecker laugh without cringing.  I get more joy out of carving a pumpkin than most non-pumpkin-hair-coloured people do.  And I harbour a deep resentment towards carrots.  To me, they are only good for one thing.  Snowman noses.

Even Frosty has bad “carrot” memories.

Photo Credits:  Poodle (http://lifeissian.wordpress.com), Closet Cupboard (www.scaryforkids.com), Stickman (www.guardian.co.uk), dog butt (sodahead.com), Gail (www.torontosun.com),

The Versatile Blogger Award!!! YAY!!

This is an awesome day so far and it isn’t even 10 o’clock in the morning yet.  It’s my husband’s birthday, so we began the day with the gift opening.  And as he flips his way through the newspaper (occasionally using some choice words for the insane asylum that we call “Parliament”), I decided to check out what’s happening on my blog.

And it turns out that I’ve been nominated for the Versatile Blogger Award!  I’m so excited!!  Here’s a picture of my new award.  Isn’t it lovely?

Thank you to http://thebumblefiles.wordpress.com/ for this honour.  Her blog is a true slice of life–witty, inspiring, warm, and although I am a new follower, she has tugged at my heartstrings several times already.  You really must check it out!

Now, for the business end of things.  Excuse me for a moment while I don my Ernst & Young accountant-ish garb and explain the rules:

  1. Thank the blogger who gave it to you and include a link to their blog.
  2. Mention 7 random things about yourself.
  3. List the rules
  4. Give the award to 15 or more bloggers.
  5. Add the award to your blog.

Now, I have slipped in to boxer shorts and a tank top–the requisite attire for sharing (and baring) seven facts about myself.  Plus, the tie was interfering with my keyboard.  How do men wear these things all day?  They are fun to tie though.  But why call them ties?  I mean I realize that they are “tied,” but women tie scarves.  Following the whole tie logic, a scarf should be eaten, a ring should make a noise, an earring should deafen it’s wearer, and a shoe should scare things away (you’re thinking about some of those aren’t you.  If the “scarf” thing has you puzzled, in my part of Canada, you “scarf” down a meal).

Okay, seven things about me.  No need to tell me to be “random.”

1.  I currently have two oddly-shaped peanuts beside my computer.  They look like aardvarks.  My husband has drawn eyes on them.  For some reason, they entertain and inspire me.  Like I said–random.

2.  I have recently taken a liking to Tropicana Peach Juice mixed with Club Soda.  Fizzy and fruity.

3.  I collect PEZ dispensers.  I have hundreds of them.  My favourites are the ant and the aardvark from the Pink Panther It would seem that aardvarks also play a large role in my life.

4.  I have moved 34 times.  No, I’m not fleeing my creditors or a loan shark named Vinnie.  And, no, I’m not in the Witness Protection Program.  My Dad had a job where he got transferred a lot.  Now moving is in my system.

5.  I have strange preferences when it comes to wild life–I like Daddy-Long-Legs, Crows, Snakes, Groundhogs, and it would appear, Aardvarks.  I guess I like the underdog.  Speaking of Underdog, I think he is the best Superhero ever.

6.  I hate hot dogs.  A cylindrical mould formed from a slurry of beaks and feet.

7.  Kaleidoscopes fascinate me.  Could play with one for hours.  Did I mention that I’m a simpleton?

And now for the fun part.  Excuse me while I change into something more formal and pretty–a ball gown, perhaps.  I now nominate 15 of the most awesome blogs ever for this auspicious award:

1.  http://palomasharma.wordpress.com/  I am a huge fan of this blog.  She is hilarious, heart-warming, and incredibly deep all at the same time.  This is gold.

2. http://dearflash.wordpress.com/  Who couldn’t love a look at the world through the eyes of an endearing little Corgi?  I’m hooked.

3.  http://kitchenslattern.com/  Don’t read this with a full mouth.  It’ll make you laugh and spew your food all over the wall.  Great fun!

4.  http://ilbelfarniente.wordpress.com/  This is inspirational, funny, and provides me with regular “a-ha” moments.

5.  http://laughinglovingeating.wordpress.com/about/  This is a brand new blog by a gifted young writer.  I look forward to her future posts.

6.  http://aninepoundhammer.com/  Beautiful photos abound. Today’s edition will truly move you.

7. http://jodiambroseblog.com/  She’s back and she’s funnier than ever.  This is a hoot!

8.  http://craighill.net/  This is filled with fun facts, pop culture, and new knowledge galore.  Very “embiggening.”

9. http://todayinhh.com/  This remains one of my all-time favourites.  Very clever.

10.  http://wedelmom.wordpress.com/  Funny, wise, and so much fun!  I love this blog.

11.  http://theoctoberseer.wordpress.com/  This is well-written, hilarious, and spot-on.

12.  http://thisthatandtheotherthang.wordpress.com/   One of my all-time favs.  Especially her Friday editions.  This blogger is a hoot to “chat” with too.

13.  http://allthingsboys.wordpress.com/  You’ve got to feel for a woman surrounded by testosterone, but she handles it with humour and a very sharp wit.  Awesome.

14.   http://clotildajamcracker.wordpress.com/  I love this “off-the-wall” and hilarious blog.  This is a blogger  I’d love to hang out with for the day.

15.  http://jefferly.com/  Quirky and funny.  I love this mix of hilarious photos and great stories.

I’m not sure how the above writing became so enormous.  Nor do I know how to fix it.  It looks like I’m yelling.